I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
