easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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