I molested 6 butterflies tonight
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
