Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
