i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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