I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
