remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
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she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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