Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just googled if crying burns calories
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
