I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
