I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
