ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
