I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
