I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
