I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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