No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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