she woke up with a sticky ear
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
