I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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