if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
