hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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