Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
