Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
