your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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