your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She bit a glass in half.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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