Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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