Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
