Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
