My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
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You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
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I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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