Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize