you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
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His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.