I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
