The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Apparently you make a good broom.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
