I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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