Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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