I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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