This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
