I got chris browned last night
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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