i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
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I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
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I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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