He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
