just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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