you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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