I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
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Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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