Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
