I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
is it fun? or sober?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
