is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
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It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
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No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
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