You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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