we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
