I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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