apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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