I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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