i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I am spending my child support on dildos
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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