i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
