Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
