That's intense
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
