nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize