Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
