So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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