she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
