Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize