There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
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God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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