Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
