Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
