Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
