Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
