wakey wakey hands off snakey
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
