I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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