I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You are a genius and a whore.
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