I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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