How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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